Love the holiday gifter but hate the gift — and maybe even temporarily love the gifter a little less due to the hideousness of the “gift” you got? We’ve all got our horror gift stories — but we need not jettison the unwearables and unusables and unlook-at-ables into the landfill. Here’s how to turn those abominations into new admirable gifts and creative endeavors, reducing waste while having a little fun:

1. Put it on Etsy and submit it to Regretsy. If you haven’t discovered Regretsy yet, you’ve been missing out on a lot of horrified laughter. This site — with the tagline “Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet” — proudly features the ugliest and scariest of goods put up for sale by people who fancy themselves crafters. We’re talking handmade destroyed jeans — a.k.a. extremely old dirty jeans with holes containing a disembodied knee, no less! — to an eco-intentioned but just grotesque crapeau made with upcycled prune juice containers.

I know what you’re thinking: Regretsy’s fun, but how exactly will a website pointing out how ugly my “gift” is actually help me get rid of the gift? Believe it or not, quite a number of items that make it onto Regretsy sell quite well! April Winchell, Regretsy’s creator, told Wall Street Journal’s Speakeasy blog she loves it when the fugly items sell: “People send me emails and say, ‘I sold a painting, so revenge on you.’ But that’s what I wanted the whole time!”

So why not try Etsy-Regretsy-ing your “gift,” maybe offering it for just the price of shipping? Putting an item on Etsy to simply get it featured on Regretsy is gaming the system a bit, I suppose — but the sheer scariness of items like the masturbating dinosaur wall art already makes me think some Etsiers must be deliberately dabbling in craftwrecks….

That dino sold, BTW. So did the crapeau! Did you get it for Christmas?

2. Knit the fugly out. One of my “favorite” gifts from my mother are these “beautiful” socks, so obviously perfect for all occasions a girl about town might attend. After thanking her, I yanked them back into yarn form and turned them into baby booties and cat toys, which have since made their way into the homes of various friends who own babies and cats.

So fret not about wearing that ugly holiday sweater. Simply unravel, and turn them into something you might wear! For newbies, here’s how to knit a basic scarf.

3. Throw a “Save the White Elephant” party. Instead of a regular white elephant party, throw a similar post-holiday featuring only the ugliest of gifts. BBMG, an eco-minded marketing company, has even put together a helpful site with party planning instructions and downloadable name tags to get you started. Who knows — Maybe one girl’s crapeau is another’s much needed under-the-desk trash basket….

4. Blog-cycle it. Got a blog? Thought so. Then start using it to give away crap you don’t want! I often give away the contents of shwag bags I get, but the master of this blog-cycling practice appears to be one Darryle Pollack, who writes Cluttercast.

Darryle made her 2009 New Year’s Reolution to declutter her place — and started posting the items she didn’t want: “I post an item and tell the story behind it. You help me decide what to do with it. If you want it, or know someone who would, let me know. I’ll send it to someone for free.”

The stuff Darryle gives away ranges from the yummy — like the chocolate brittle she got for her birthday — to the gaudy — like this bright and bold sweater (right) I have to say’s much too bold for me to wear. You’d really be surprised how many people want something you thought was unlovable!

Cluttercast’s even spawned a following of cluttercasters, including Headless Mom of The Adventures of the Headless Family, who I carpooled to BlogHer ’08 with. Of course, you may want to be sure that whoever gave you the “gift” you plan to blog-cycle doesn’t actually read your blog…..

5. Give it literary or performance art fame. Darryle mentioned the story behind her items — and it’s true: Put a story behind an object, and that object will suddenly seem more desirable. That’s sort of the idea behind Significant Objects, a literary endeavor in which writers invent stories — yes, fictional stories — about inexpensive, rinky dink objects. With the meaning imbued by the story, the object suddenly gains value — and gets sold on eBay! The object then goes to the highest bidder, the money to the writer.

So try making your “gift” part of a literary project — or an art project, a la John Freyer’s Allmylifeforsale.com — which helped him get rid of not just bad gifts, but everything else too.

6. Neighborgoods it with stealth. If the gift giver’s the type who’ll actually scrutinize your place the next time she comes over to see if you have, indeed, hung the hung dinosaur “gift” on your wall, try to get your neighbors to “borrow” the gift for the other 364 days of the year when said gifter is not visiting. Plus, lending “gifts” is easy, thanks to eco-site Neighborgoods, which lets you not only borrow tools you need on a one-time basis but also find out what your neighbors are like. Maybe your neighbor likes dinos. Sign up at Neighborgoods to find out!
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Yes, there are more typical routes to keeping “gifts” out of the landfill — but none are fun timesuckers like the ones I’m suggesting above! For the naysaying wusses — I encourage you try Craigslist, Freecycle, or a good old fashioned “free” container at a yard sale before going the donate to Goodwill route, since the first three options ensure that your fugly item has actually found a new home. Happy regifting, everyone!

Photos top to bottom: Siel, thrafthappy/Etsy via Regretsy, Cluttercast

[crossposted on Blogher]

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