Love the holiday gifter but hate the gift — and maybe even temporarily love the gifter a little less due to the hideousness of the “gift” you got? We’ve all got our horror gift stories — but we need not jettison the unwearables and unusables and unlook-at-ables into the landfill. Here’s how to turn those abominations into new admirable gifts and creative endeavors, reducing waste while having a little fun:

1. Put it on Etsy and submit it to Regretsy. If you haven’t discovered Regretsy yet, you’ve been missing out on a lot of horrified laughter. This site — with the tagline “Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet” — proudly features the ugliest and scariest of goods put up for sale by people who fancy themselves crafters. We’re talking handmade destroyed jeans — a.k.a. extremely old dirty jeans with holes containing a disembodied knee, no less! — to an eco-intentioned but just grotesque crapeau made with upcycled prune juice containers.

I know what you’re thinking: Regretsy’s fun, but how exactly will a website pointing out how ugly my “gift” is actually help me get rid of the gift? Believe it or not, quite a number of items that make it onto Regretsy sell quite well! April Winchell, Regretsy’s creator, told Wall Street Journal’s Speakeasy blog she loves it when the fugly items sell: “People send me emails and say, ‘I sold a painting, so revenge on you.’ But that’s what I wanted the whole time!”

So why not try Etsy-Regretsy-ing your “gift,” maybe offering it for just the price of shipping? Putting an item on Etsy to simply get it featured on Regretsy is gaming the system a bit, I suppose — but the sheer scariness of items like the masturbating dinosaur wall art already makes me think some Etsiers must be deliberately dabbling in craftwrecks….

That dino sold, BTW. So did the crapeau! Did you get it for Christmas?

2. Knit the fugly out. One of my “favorite” gifts from my mother are these “beautiful” socks, so obviously perfect for all occasions a girl about town might attend. After thanking her, I yanked them back into yarn form and turned them into baby booties and cat toys, which have since made their way into the homes of various friends who own babies and cats.

So fret not about wearing that ugly holiday sweater. Simply unravel, and turn them into something you might wear! For newbies, here’s how to knit a basic scarf.

3. Throw a “Save the White Elephant” party. Instead of a regular white elephant party, throw a similar post-holiday featuring only the ugliest of gifts. BBMG, an eco-minded marketing company, has even put together a helpful site with party planning instructions and downloadable name tags to get you started. Who knows — Maybe one girl’s crapeau is another’s much needed under-the-desk trash basket….

4. Blog-cycle it. Got a blog? Thought so. Then start using it to give away crap you don’t want! I often give away the contents of shwag bags I get, but the master of this blog-cycling practice appears to be one Darryle Pollack, who writes Cluttercast.

Darryle made her 2009 New Year’s Reolution to declutter her place — and started posting the items she didn’t want: “I post an item and tell the story behind it. You help me decide what to do with it. If you want it, or know someone who would, let me know. I’ll send it to someone for free.”

The stuff Darryle gives away ranges from the yummy — like the chocolate brittle she got for her birthday — to the gaudy — like this bright and bold sweater (right) I have to say’s much too bold for me to wear. You’d really be surprised how many people want something you thought was unlovable!

Cluttercast’s even spawned a following of cluttercasters, including Headless Mom of The Adventures of the Headless Family, who I carpooled to BlogHer ’08 with. Of course, you may want to be sure that whoever gave you the “gift” you plan to blog-cycle doesn’t actually read your blog…..

5. Give it literary or performance art fame. Darryle mentioned the story behind her items — and it’s true: Put a story behind an object, and that object will suddenly seem more desirable. That’s sort of the idea behind Significant Objects, a literary endeavor in which writers invent stories — yes, fictional stories — about inexpensive, rinky dink objects. With the meaning imbued by the story, the object suddenly gains value — and gets sold on eBay! The object then goes to the highest bidder, the money to the writer.

So try making your “gift” part of a literary project — or an art project, a la John Freyer’s Allmylifeforsale.com — which helped him get rid of not just bad gifts, but everything else too.

6. Neighborgoods it with stealth. If the gift giver’s the type who’ll actually scrutinize your place the next time she comes over to see if you have, indeed, hung the hung dinosaur “gift” on your wall, try to get your neighbors to “borrow” the gift for the other 364 days of the year when said gifter is not visiting. Plus, lending “gifts” is easy, thanks to eco-site Neighborgoods, which lets you not only borrow tools you need on a one-time basis but also find out what your neighbors are like. Maybe your neighbor likes dinos. Sign up at Neighborgoods to find out!
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Yes, there are more typical routes to keeping “gifts” out of the landfill — but none are fun timesuckers like the ones I’m suggesting above! For the naysaying wusses — I encourage you try Craigslist, Freecycle, or a good old fashioned “free” container at a yard sale before going the donate to Goodwill route, since the first three options ensure that your fugly item has actually found a new home. Happy regifting, everyone!

Photos top to bottom: Siel, thrafthappy/Etsy via Regretsy, Cluttercast

[crossposted on Blogher]

Upcycled yarn, in fact, is one of the many sustainable knitting options highlighted in Knitting Green: Conversations and Earth Friendly Projects, a new book by former Knits magazine senior editor Ann Budd. This eco-educational book highlights eco-friendly yarns from organic cotton to silky soy — with patterns for knitting projects using these yarns, complete with photos showcasing how good sustainable knitting can look.

In Knitting Green, would-be eco-DIYers are first given a rundown of the environmental issues associated with knitting — because while the human-powered act of knitting itself’s an eco-friendly endeavor, the process of creating yarn is often not. For eco-fashionistas with some knowledge of sustainable fibers, many of the green knitting issues Ann brings up will be familiar. Conventional cotton‘s grown with a lot of pesticides, bamboo yarn’s processed with noxious chemicals, and wool poses both animal rights and chemical pesticide issues. And that’s even before the yarn gets dunked in un-green dyes and shipped half way across the world!

Knitting Green then goes into solutions, highlighting eco-friendlier choices people can knit together using the many new greener yarns now on the market. Patterns range from the Back-to-Nature Hat made with organic O-Wool, an all-(north)-American hoodie made with wool that’s grown, harvested, and processed, in the U.S — and for the really crunchy knitters, soap nut vessels for the laundry, knit with hemp yarn.

I found many of the styles for the patterns rather busy — but being somewhat of a minimalist, that’s my complaint about most knitting books. The patterns I wanted to knit up were the accessories, like simple and functional socks and slippers I could wear around the house. My favorite pattern is the Paris Recycled Scarf (right). The “yarn” comes from lightweight silk fabric, sliced up!

Want to be an upcycling knitter yourself? Make that your Earth Week goal, because Knitting Green‘s publisher Interweave’s launched the Knitting Green Challenge “to encourage the knitting community to rip up, repurpose and make their own yarn this Earth Day.” Then turn your favorite hobby green everyday with some help from Knitting Green, available for $24.95.

Earlier:
>> Reknit: Turn an ugly sweater into a pretty scarf for $30
>> Eco-friendly wool yarn for green knitters

Image courtesy of Interweave

Put down The Secret. Here’s the green Angeleno’s guide to the good life:

Eat & Drink

1. Get caffeinated. Drink coffee and tea that tastes better and does good. Find your local organic fair trade coffee shop — or if you must go to Starbucks, take the Starbucks Challenge.

2. Dare to eat a peach — a fresh juicy one from a local farm. Enjoy the tastiest, most eco-friendly fruits and veggies possible — without going out of your way.

3. Get your protein. Opt for grass-fed, free range, organic, and local meat, milk, and eggs, stick to sustainable seafood, and go easy on the highly processed veg meats.

4. Do happy hour. Find out how to green your drink — from beer to wine to shots to cocktails and beyond.

5. Indulge in dessert. Eat ice cream, sorbet, and chocolate. Fair trade and organic options are easy to find now –

6. Learn to cook. Take a local, organic cooking class. There’s bound to be one suited to your diet and lifestyle.

7. Treat yourself. Dine out at an eco-friendly restaurant — or get organic meals delivered to your doorstep.

8. Lose the junk. Try an eco-friendly diet — or just scare yourself into eating better.

Get Around

1. Take a walk — It’s sunny out! Easiest way to get walking more often: Live in a walkable spot. But wherever you are, discover one-mile-radius living.

2. Bike it. My pink townie saves me lots of money and parking hassles — and the Los Angeles biking community’s helpful and friendly.

3. Ride easy — whether on bus or rail. Some bus routes will actually get you to your destination faster and cheaper than in a car, especially if you account for the driving time spent looking for parking — and the money spent paying for it.

4. Cab it — or rent it — green. Find out about local green taxis, car sharing programs, rental cars, and even green limos.

5. Fly free. Avoid parking hassles — or begging friends for rides — by taking advantage of green and easy airport travel options.

6. Go with friends. Carpooling will give you driving company — and also make you a safer driver!

7. Find a Better World. Still car-dependent? Dump AAA for Better World Club, which gives money to environmental causes and doesn’t lobby against public transportation.

Look good

1. Find fashion bargains. Shop pre-loved and get great deals on everything from couture to casual wear.

2. Shop green boutiques. Majestical Roof, All Shades of Green, Natural High Lifestyle, Patagonia, and Whole Foods Lifestyle are just 5 of the many stores where you can try on eco-friendly fashions before opening your wallet.

3. Indulge a shoe fetish. From flip flops to casual everyday shoes to sky high stilettos, dress your feet in eco-style.

4. Start from the bottom. Comfy green panties and sexy organic bras come in many cute styles. Got a bra that doesn’t fit? Recycle it!

5. Trade up. Trade designer brands with other eco-fashionistas, locally or nationally.

6. Get pretty. Opt for healthier, eco-friendly skin care, hair care, nail care — and oral hygiene while you’re at it. Then pretty up with paraben-free makeup, lead-free lipstick, and phthalate-free perfume.

7. Pamper yourself. Get organic facials, greener hair color, and safer manicures from green-minded salons.

Cut clutter

1. Junk the junk mail. Stop unwanted letters, catalogs, and coupons once and for all.

2. Bring your own. Soon, BYOing will be the status quo — so get a stylish reusable bag, eco-friendly lunchbox and utensils, and to-go mug and bottle — and maybe other new reusables hitting the green market. Wish your neighbors would do likewise? Help ban disposable eco-blights in L.A. and beyond.

3. Recycle everything from your old running shoes to your broken DVD player — because you might even be able to make money at it.

4. Feed the compost. City-subsidized composters will let you turn veggie scraps into garden fertilizer — and reduce your landfill waste.

5. Clean up. Make your own green cleaning products on the cheap or buy better-for-you cleaners — and spiff up your place using eco-friendly tools. Read a book on green cleaning and clean the carpet too if you’ve got the energy — or if not, hire a green cleaning service or eco-friendly organizer.

6. Get radical. Unfetter yourself from all your possessions and seek out an eco-adventure — or just get inspired to shop less and figure out how to get rid of crap you don’t want without sending it to the landfill.

Have fun

1. Make friends. Stay motivated through your green social network. Green Drinks, Green Business Networking, Women of the Green Generation, and EcoTuesday all want you at their events — and lots of other eco-themed events happen in L.A. every week!

2. Watch movies. Find out about the latest green films to buy, rent, or watch at a screening near you.

3. Read books. Pick up all my green reading tips — then page through one of the eco-themed books I’ve reviewed.

4. Play games. See if you can score better than I did at eco-socio-political games that are actually fun to play.

5. Do good. Lend a hand with a local green nonprofit like Treepeople, Heal the Bay, and Sustainable Works — or organize your own local green group or unique volunteer event!

6. Get crafty. Make what you want, how you want it while checking out of mass produced consumer culture by sewing, knitting, upcycling, and trying other handy hobbies.

Save green

1. Win freebies. Twice a week, I give away an eco-friendly freebie. Enter for your chance to win it!

2. Use your city. Get a free rain barrel, a green landscaping grant, and rebates for energy and water-efficient appliances — all from the government.

3. Swap and share. Neighborgoods and other green-minded websites let you borrow and share stuff you don’t want to buy.

4. Find your Eden. Grow your own food — on a balcony, yard, or even someone else’s yard. Then share the bounty with your hungry neighbors.

5. Slay vampires. Stop the slow energy drain in your home and learn how to make electronics last — and opt for greener gadgets and phones while you’re at it.

6. Shop green. Buy green goods that will last and save you money over the long term at eco-friendly local stores like Co-opportunity, The Green Life, and Locali.

Photos by Siel

The freebies are a reminder that creating a brand new American’s about the ungreenest thing you can do for the planet, even if you can afford organic, flushable, biodegradable diapers. No telling where the giveaway spots will be on Valentine’s Day, but you can enter to win a lifetime supply of free condoms! Earlier: All condoms.

>> Fake Plastic Fish’s Beth Terry complained about all the plastic Valentine’s Day crap at her local store — so I put together a plastic-free romance guide of eco-friendly Valentine’s Day gifts — complete with an upcycled, handknit teddy bear. Yes, I knit a bear –

>> Salon’s feminist blog Broadsheet has a great list of what to click this Valentine’s Day if you’ve decided not to go to any of the green Valentine’s weekend events I recommended happening around town. Salon’s list’s good for both Valentine’s Day lovers and haters –

Image via endangeredspeciescondoms.com

Does the cold winter weather have you staying in to knit warm woolen mittens and scarves? If so, you may be going through the same conundrums I’m dealing with. DIY knitting can be a very eco-friendly hobby, but knitters who want to keep their handmade goods environmentally-friendly and cruelty-free will likely find wool yarn shopping challenging, to say the least.

I started to realize this when I got some new woolen yarns to try from Stitch Nation by Debbie Stoller. Yes, the Debbie behind the Stitch & Bitch books I love has come out with a new line of pretty-colored yarns — a 100% peruvian wool yarn called Full o’ Sheep, a viscose from bamboo and wool blend called Bamboo Ewe, and a wool and alpaca blend called Alpaca Love.

These yarns are described as “100% natural, 100% affordable” — so naturally I wanted to give them a try. Unfortunately, the yarns arrived with no additional information as to what “natural” meant — and a request for more information didn’t yield any more details.

And as eco-smart people know, “natural” can really mean anything. Cotton T-shirts, for example, are often marketed as “100% natural” — never mind that they’re usually grown with pesticides, dyed with not-so-natural colors, and responsible for a whole host of environmental problems.

The same types of issues are concerns with “100% natural” wool yarn. Unless the yarn company discloses specific environmental criteria, “natural” wool simply means that the wool grew on animals — and is not a guarantee that the wool is pesticide or chemical free.

That’s why more eco-conscious knitters are seeking out organic wool yarn — both for the environment and for their own health. As Dayna Boyer at Canadian Living writes, “Not only is organic wool better for the sheep, it could be better for your skin: Lorena Ladan, owner of yarn store The Naked Sheep in Toronto, says a lot of people aren’t actually allergic to wool — they’re allergic to the chemicals and dyes that go into processing it.”

Since wool comes from animals, eco-friendly yarn also brings up issues of livestock treatment. For example, Tobin Hack writes in Plenty about muesling, a “gruesome wool shearing technique” that cuts out chunks of flesh off lambs. Tobin says Australian merino wool’s especially known to be harvested using this painful technique.

Lest you’re starting to feel all wool yarn is bad wool yarn, rest assured that sustainably harvested wool from well-treated livestock does exist. You simply need to ask more questions — about organic and sustainable farming, eco-friendly processing and dyeing, and humane treatment of animals — to figure out which wool yarns to buy. A few that come recommended by green bloggers:

>> O-Wool by The Vermont Organic Fiber Company. Abigail Doan at Ecouterre raves about this organic certified yarn that’s she says is “the wool of choice for eco-fashion designers such as Bodkin, Bahar Shahpar, Deborah Lindquist, Susan Woo, Ekovaruhuset, FIN, and Elena Garcia.”

>> Da’vida Fair Trade Store yarns. At Crafting a Green World, Victoria Everman recommends Da’vida’s fair trade yarns, most of which are fair trade yarns from small-scale farmers in Uruguay, Bolivia and Peru. Some of the yarns actually come from a New York sheep farmer called Lisa Meriam, so New Englanders can get locally-grown, locally hand-painted wool yarns!

>> Llamajamas 1855 Handspun Wool Yarn. Recommended by Jasmin Chua at The Worsted Witch, Llamajamas’ yarns are spun by artisan women in Ecuador, fairly traded, and naturally dyed. And natural here really means natural. Llamajamas’ website says the dyes are created by roasting “plants, bark, nuts, and other natural materials over open fires for many hours.”

Of course, some of the most eco-friendly — and most affordable — wool yarns are pre-loved yarns. If you’re balking at the price of these gorgeous-looking and eco-friendly yarns, simply head over to your nearest Goodwill and browse the sweater section, looking not at the styles but at the colors and textures. This way, you’ll have a wider selection of yarns to pick from — and you’ll be upcycling yarn, thereby requiring no new resources. Or for an even cheaper option, dig through your closet for ugly sweaters or other knits you no longer wear!

Once you’ve got an old sweater in hand, take it apart using these directions from the Cashmere Connoisseur, and reknit it into the woolen shape of your desire. I’m proud to say I’ve made everything from a camera cover to cat toys using this upcycling method.

Not a knitter yourself — but have lots of ugly sweaters? Try Reknit, a new service that lets you send in a sweater to be handknit and upcycled into a striped scarf — for the bargain price of $30.

Photos top to bottom: underthesun, Joanne, Siel

Received an ugly sweater as a holiday “gift” — and don’t know how to knit yet? For $30, you can get that unfashionable item upcycled into a one-of-a-kind, handknit winter accessory!

How? Send it to Reknit, a new service dreamed up by graphic designer Haik Avanian — and knit together by Haik’s mother. Mail in an old sweater, and Haik’s mom will unravel the thing and reknit it into a scarf — even mixing in a second color to add an accent stripe or two if your sweater happens to be a plain unicolored dud. (via Ecouterre)

All that costs just $30 including return shipping — a real bargain price for an eco-friendly, upcycled, handmade, unique accessory. I’m left wondering how fast Haik’s mom knits —

Have more than one ugly sweater — but don’t need that many scarves? Then try sending Reknit one sweater a month because while Haik’s mom’s knitting scarves in January, she’ll be knitting something else next month. In fact, you can vote on what you’d like her to make by visiting Reknit’s website now to pick between beanies, iPod cases, cut-off gloves, or socks.

Earlier:
>> 6 Stealthy ways to keep holiday “gifts” out of the landfill
>> How to DIY while de-car-ing: Knit baby booties on the bus

1. Get easy public transit directions to get from Santa Monica to the party in Echo Park. Driving alone to a Streetsblog party would be dumb, since the blog’s all about getting out of our cars and out of traffic jams.

And since Metro’s now on Google Transit, traveling green’s a lot simpler –

2. The bus ride’s about an hour long, so find “One Hour Baby Booties” knitting instructions in Stitch ‘n Bitch Nation.

3. Get on the bus and start knitting furiously! Field questions from an older gentleman who asks what you’re doing then launches into a story about how much he used to love cross-stitching.

4. Panic a little when the bus arrives on time — but the knitting’s not finished on time. Decide Streetsblog guests’ll be fine with your making the present at the event. Meet, greet, then keep knitting.

5. Modify the Stitch ‘n’ Bitch directions a bit to give the booties more flower power.

6. Compose a message in a “Falling Leaves” environmental greeting card — made of Saa paper from mulberry bark that regenerates each year and sold at fair trade e-store Novica.

7. Put everything in a pre-loved bag. Reuse!

Top screenshot via Google Maps, bottom photo via Los Angeles Streetsblog, all other photos by Siel

Ok — The premier screening started at noon, so you’ll have sadly missed that and the Q&A with the filmmaker Faythe Levine and the goodie bags — but you’ll be there just in time for the mini-craft fair happening from 2 pm – 6 pm today. That FREE fair will feature talented L.A. crafters, a Handmade Nation book signing with Faythe Levine, and craft demos.

Plus, the second screening starts tonight at 7 pm — so you can just stay at the Silent Movie Theater all Saturday. Can’t make it today? Four screenings of the film happen tomorrow, but sans the fair.

Anyone who’s shopped at Etsy, gone to the Renegade Craft Fair, Unique LA or Swap-O-Rama-Rama, or visited Majestical Roof in Pasadena will have an appreciation for this film. Handmade Nation “documents a movement of artists, crafters and designers that recognize a marriage between historical techniques, punk and DIY (do it yourself) ethos while being influenced by traditional handiwork, modern aesthetics, politics, feminism, and art.”

Handmade Nation‘s also holding screenings across the U.S. — including Atlanta, Milwaukee, Albuquerque, Austin, and Seattle — in coming months. Watch the trailer below, then check the Handmade Crafts blog to find out when the film will be in a theater near you.

>> The League of Conservation Voters released its 2008 scorecard rating members of congress on their environmental votes. McCain scored 0% and Obama 18%, due to missed votes. California’s US Senators both got 100%. 14 of Cali’s US House members also got perfect 100%s, but 11 other House members got perfect 0%s.

>> From NewScientist’s Short Sharp Science blog: A phantom penis, and how to remove it.

>> From Slate: What a Boy Wants: How do you know whether an adolescent really wants a circumcision?

Photo via Lion Brand Yarn

>> Crafty people: Did you know about The Carnival of Green Crafts? The current carnival’s at BlogHer. Submit your eco-crafty projects here; I’m hoping to get my recycled mice-and-booties project into the next one.