Your turn to help me –
green LA girl commenters are generally awesome — and this post isn’t precipitated by any specific mean comment here. But because mean comments, even when rare, suck a lot of happiness and fun out of blogging, I was thinking about writing a “How to deal with mean comments” post, both as a guide for myself and hopefully for others.
I’m by no means saying I’m a perfect commenter — There are some comments I regret leaving, and many more comments I wish I’d worded in a more kindly fashion. I’m sure many of you are in a similar boat — and since mean comments tend to beget more mean comments, I wondered if maybe we could collectively crowdsource a solution — or at least a list of mitigation measures.
So — I’m interested in your tips! How do you deal with negative comments? What do you do to pre-emptively discourage mean comments from being left in the first place?
If you’ve blogged about this topic before, leave the link to your post in the comments and I may link to it in the final post.
I haven’t had many mean comments so far, but i have only been blogging for a relatively short time. When I get ANY response that I disagreed with, no matter how wrong they are (lol) I always post them and try to give them my response. I feel that everyone has the right to give their opinion, even if I don’t agree with it. By taking the high ground, letting their voice be heard and calmly responding, anyone reading the comments can see my side of the issue. I think it makes me seem more rational.
Robert Stockham’s last blog post..Social Media overtakes traditional types of advertising-but at a price.
Comment by Robert Stockham — May 19, 2009 @ 9:41 am
I’ve actually never had any mean comments on my blog (knock on wood). I once had a comment that disagreed with me, but that just led to a fabulous discussion.
I have, however, gotten mean-spirited comments on youtube videos of mine, and I just delete them. I don’t see why I should poison myself by having to read them every time I overview my comments.
In a blog that gets higher traffic like this one, however, I might just leave it because it seems like you have enough other commenters who would batter them down anyway, which is always fun.
In terms of preemption, you can always add that like, terms of service type explanation saying “please be civil” or whatever, but I’d bet most angry commenters would just ignore that. So I dunno, if anything is posted that really bothers you, I’d just delete it.
Carrick’s last blog post..My good deed for the year: saving sea turtles at the LA River
Comment by Carrick — May 19, 2009 @ 12:50 pm
Robert — I predict your commenting habits will change as your traffic grows, as you’ll slowly get more & more comments that you’ll begin to feel don’t merit a response :P But I hear what you’re saying, and I can see how in an idealistic world, carefully responding to even the dumbest of comments dashed off by someone just out for attention, could be seen as an opportunity for potentially positive engagement –
Carrick — I do just tend to leave the comments that seem mean — I think that’s actually a good strategy, esp. for bloggers who know they have a tendency to strike back too quickly :)
Comment by Siel — May 19, 2009 @ 2:13 pm
Earlier today I was thinking about how to deal with off the wall comments. I got one today and still haven’t decided how to respond.
I think with mean ones the best thing to do is not respond or to say “Thanks for visiting and sharing your opinion.” There isn’t too much to say from there. Although the one time I did get a disagreeable/mean person commenting, I didn’t handle it very well – I answered too quickly.
Kim Woodbridge’s last blog post..5 Most Popular (Anti) Social Posts of All Time
Comment by Kim Woodbridge — May 19, 2009 @ 5:36 pm
I preempt mean comments by keeping my readership very low :-D
Chris’s last blog post..Brad Warner: Atheism and Buddhism
Comment by Chris — May 20, 2009 @ 7:58 am
I’ve been blogging for 5 years and I’ve had some mean comments. It’s better to deal with them head on, either publicly, like Heather Armstrong/Dooce (who makes hers funny) or privately with a “Thanks for your opinion.
MJ’s last blog post..Itty Bitty Entrelac
Comment by MJ — May 20, 2009 @ 8:24 am
Creek Freak doesn’t get 1/100th of the comments that Green LA Girl gets… and nearly no trolls so far. Like many situations in relationships, politics, etc… I try to use non-violent communication… see where I might have empathy with the person’s motives/experiences, not just what they’ve said/written.
I think it’s good to have a dialog out in the open… let people blow off steam… and, of course, encourage my friends to post sympathetic comments to outweigh the trolls!
Joe Linton’s last blog post..Walking Santiago Creek in Santa Ana
Comment by Joe Linton — May 20, 2009 @ 3:59 pm
I have a blurb above my comments box that says that it’s OK to disagree with me as long as there’s “No hair pulling or name calling.”
Condo Blues’s last blog post..Race for the Cure Columbus
Comment by Condo Blues — May 20, 2009 @ 7:59 pm
I love how you say “mean comments suck a lot of the fun from blogging” and boy, do I agree. But in my two years of blogging for a major site with a LOT of comments, and some of them quite mean, I can say….WAIT! Don’t respond when the first icy needle of the meanness sinks into your chest. Let all your inner demons moan and cry before you commit any words of reply. Let all the “taking it personally” subside before you decide whether you even want to reply. If the mean comment is precipitated by a mistake you made, honest or otherwise, then I believe you should comment, but not in defense, rather just to acknowledge the person. Most of what we want, I believe, in commenting, is acknowledgment for our perspective, our experiences, and our POV. Always giving commenters that acknowledgment is a good idea, I’ve learned.
Comment by April — May 21, 2009 @ 5:12 am
Great post, Siel. Mean comments can suck out the fun from blogging. Sometimes my initial reaction includes shock or hurt feelings, so I try to back away from the computer and get some perspective.
maureen’s last blog post..hemp dog carrier
Comment by maureen — May 22, 2009 @ 8:45 am
Thanks everyone for weighing in. So far, main strategies include 1) waiting for either to gain your own perspective or for others to weigh in, 2) having a note atop the comment box that discourages mean comments.
Ideas about actually responding to the comments seem to vary widely, from a private email saying “thanks for yr opinion,” to naming and shaming, dooce-style….
Comment by Siel — May 22, 2009 @ 2:25 pm